City Nixes Construction of Apple Store

Amsterdam, NY (Apr 1,2012) — Faced with lack of support from local government and business leaders, Apple will no longer pursue plans to build a state-of-the-art Apple Store on 1-11 Bridge Street.

Citing concern with local seniors still struggling with the transition to Microsoft Windows XP, the Common Council rejected any measures offering assistance to Apple for its efforts to bring a retail store to the city. The Council instead opted to address expected shortfalls in this year’s budget by accepting a proposal for auctioning off its troves of floppy disks. The 6th Ward alderperson deemed the find of the crates of floppy disks a “godsend” that will help defray costs in the city’s office supply budget. “We’re watching every penny”, he intoned gravely, expecting the auction to yield at least $185, and “if we’re lucky, we’ll break $200. That buys a lot of of paper clips. And that saves taxpayers money.”

Further eroding the possibility of an Apple Store in the city, a consortium of local development agencies including AIDA, MDEC, AFAF, AFRS, AAW, PAWD, MAWD, SKWD, and QED, put out a joint statement on the matter: “We’re proud to pool our resources in drafting this letter against an Apple Store in the City of Amsterdam. We look forward to working together to bring growth and opportunities to the city.We look forward to working with local business leaders and companies to bring industries here that matter — facsimile machines, steam powered locomotives, and buggy whip production, We’re sticking to our motto: We bring the future today from the future of the past from yesterday today and tomorrow.”

Suppport for the initiative also failed to garner interest from local business groups including the local chamber of commerce. While no members would address the issue directly, the Web site offered the following position statement on Apple: “We are dismayed at the lack of governance at Apple as evidenced by their board only containing 8 members and their lack of strategic initiative to not merge with their competitors. Through our chamber efforts, we are restructuing strategically with our 36 member board. Until Apple scales the membership of their board comparable to ours given their revenues, we simply cannot support this effort. We hope Apple will follow our guidance and work toward a 7.2 million member board along with cooperating with its competitors to deliver lacklustre products. Please join us at our montlhy meeting at the Gideon Springs in Saratoga Springs if you want to learn more about our initiatives.”

Apple did not respond to repeated requests for comments on this story.



2 thoughts on “City Nixes Construction of Apple Store

  1. What an awseome site. Looking for a sane local government and community in the Capitol region to relocate, and stumble upon this erudite site.

    NY suffers, still, from arcahic (sp) government. Tammany Hall is not dead! Debt loads and an inability to overcome Albany instrangence (sp) dooms this great state’s ability to blossom. Too, damn, bad.

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